Yes, I'm still here

I'm still here. We had Christmas and it was nice. I actually did look into buying something like coal, but all I could find were 1) fun bouncy balls shaped like coal lumps and 2) in a nice red silk bag w/ the message "Have you been Naughty?" About two weeks before Christmas I found I was missing my eldest son too much and I sent him a message using that popular social connection place. (He isn't a friend, but that is the easiest and often fastest way to reach him.) He was happy for the invite, and he apologized for the nasty message he'd sent me in October. He came over around 4 on the 24th and stayed 'til maybe 1 in the afternoon on the 25th. The little boys were SO HAPPY to see him. He said he'd come back, but of course he hasn't. Unfortunately his sister missed seeing him because she was here a little earlier in the week (so she could travel to her foster mom's family for the actual day.)

Life overall is just as stressful as always, if not worse. All 4 of us are now in individual therapy and it has been recommended we also do family therapy. We've no idea where to find the time. (Not to mention even more hemorrhaging of money for health / mental health reasons.)

Mr. L now has a formal diagnosis of ADHD-Inattentive. His teachers simply do not see the Aspergers side of him, but at least the diagnosis will get him in the 504 program at school (504 = non-discrimination due to handicaps = modifications like taking a test in a quiet place rather than in the classroom). We met with the principal this past Friday and she said "yes" to the 504. She wasn't sure about an IEP, but I think she mostly doesn't know the law on this one. She was going to look into it (she did know ADHD falls under "other health impaired") and she was going to talk to the school diagnostician who had evaluated Mr L last year. ... We started Mr L on Ritalin after the holiday break and he's had a clear improvement at school, reflected by what his teachers say and his grades. Oddly, he only gets a morning dose -- it is not time-released -- yet his afternoon teacher is reporting good things too.

Mr P has regressed, or stays regressed, or whatever you want to call it. We keep trying to tweak his NR program ... He does occasionally tell us he wants to be good but his brain won't let him ... I'm not clear how that explains his dictating exactly what he wants (say, for lunch), then when you give it to him he throws a tantrum because that isn't what he wanted and then continues the tantrum when you say you aren't going to make a 2nd lunch for him.

Mostly though my energies have been going toward myself. My insides. The real ones. I started having abdominal pain and a tremendous amount of belching in the 2nd week of October. I saw my GP and then a GI nurse pracitioner within a week and both said "constipation" and sent me on my way. (NO! I told them.) The nurse practitioner prescribed Nexium, which helped the after-burp pains I was having. The pain isn't every day; it is so random. I can get a random day or day-and-a-half of good, then bingo I'm back to being too uncomfortable to consider leaving the house for a few days at a time, and other times I'm not too bloated but still need to burp OFTEN. (I feel like Homer Simpson, you know how his lips wiggle when he burps?)  After a trip to the ER a 2nd nurse practitioner said "colonoscopy". Since I hadn't seen the doc I called to complain and even cancel, but the doc called me in the evening and spoke w/ me for over 1/2 hour. The colonoscopy (and looking from the top-down, too), was today. He didn't find anything remarkable. And I woke up from the procedure in huge pain (very unusual). He's got 2 other minor (non-sedating) tests he'd like run ... After the ER visit I was prescribed a pill (Bentyl) that helps but appears to interact with my Lamictal so that after I'd been on it a few days I started getting pre-seizure type symptoms. I'm using that pill now though as I know it will help control the pain and allow me to eat. I've lost weight since the ER visit a few weeks ago -- not much (I'd been steadily gaining through Christmas and now I'm back to my Thanksgiving weight. Although I swell up so much I feel like I need even bigger pants.)

So I'm glad it isn't cancer, at least not inside my digestive tract. I've wracked my brain trying to figure out what changed in early October and have come up with a lot of things, but none appear to be the culprit. (I experiment.)

I'm also not writing much because it was the Tegretol that made me need to write. The Lamictal encourages me to use song to express myself. And that was one of the many things that changed in early October. I eliminated the tiny dose of Tegretol I'd been taking. (I'd already been at full strength of Lamictal.) I should try going back on Tegretol. But you know that even with great insurance, each of those drugs costs us more than $350 a month? Lamictal does rarely have as a side-effect the abdominal pains I've been having.

On the good? side, I've been less depressed than usual and I don't remember a mid-winter of less depression than this one, so I like the Lamictal for that. (The good anti-SAD light also helps, I'm sure.)

In other words, my life continues to be, well, my life.